Fifty Ways to Hike a Mountain

With apologies (just a few) to Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

She said “I think your problem is you’ve spent too long inside
And from the workplace stresses, you’ve not a place to hide
But I see a solution, if you would just decide -
There must be fifty ways to hike a mountain.”

“For ‘mankind’ all too often is so very far from kind
And I sense you need some respite to clear your soul and mind
So get out that old topo map, and a great route you will find -
There are fifty ways to hike a mountain,
At least fifty ways to hike a mountain.”

“Lace up that boot, Newt
Map out your plan, Anne
Cinch up your pack, Jack
It’s time to renew!

Hit the trail head, Ted
Follow that trail, Gail
Climb to the top, Pop
And get a good view.

Rehydrate your food, Dude
Rock-hop the crick, Nick
Try to stay warm, Norm
You’re hiking today!

Hike in the dark, Mark
Set up your tent, Kent
Sit by the fire, Brier
Relax – that’s the way!”

“You’ll want to get an early start, and head out at first light
So organize your trekking gear and load your pack tonight
A few days on a mountain trail should fill you with delight -
There are fifty ways to hike a mountain.”

“Stride along a forest trail on which the sun doth beam
And make your camp at end of day beside a babbling stream
Then nestle in your sleeping bag, and of the day’s sights, dream -
There are fifty ways to hike a mountain.
Yes, fifty ways to hike a mountain.”

“Hike ‘neath the moon, June
Set your own pace, Grace
Look at that view, Sue!
How far you can see!

Breathe the fresh air, Clare
Hike in the fall, Paul
Swish in the snow, Joe
It’s great to be free!

Don’t break a leg, Greg
Walk in the rain, Zane
Stay out of the mud, Bud
This weather is bad.

Take ‘Vitamin I’, Sly
Watch out for that tree, Lee
Don’t trip on a rock, Jock
Or you will feel sad.

Climb, and don’t quit, Mitt
See something new, Stu
Look at the stars, Lars
You can do what you want.

Eat with a spork, Mork
Trek with a pole, Joel
Hike commando, Fernando
(I don’t mean to be blunt.)

Stride strong with bliss, Chris
Do your climb smart, Art
Traverse the ridge, Midge
Go on, lead the way!

Pack out your trash, Nash
Walk down the hill, Jill
The end is in sight, Dwight
It’s been a great day!”

Chris Hershberger and Art Ritter
October, 2012